The best lesson learned from the worst advice given

I received the worst advice from a duck...well, not quite a duck, but a euphemism for a pediatrician who doled out what I believe to be harmful advice.
I am eternally grateful that my parents (especially my father) intervened, and that a friend offered her opinion.
Here's a recap: I was exhausted, emotional, excited, nervous, and experiencing a tremendous amount of pain when Josh, Shantee, and I arrived for Calleigh's first pediatrician visit.  The excitement and anticipation of Calleigh's first appointment outweighed the anxiety.  I am now slightly embarrassed to admit that I even dressed up for the occasion (insert sheepish grin). 
As soon as the doctor entered the treatment room, he asked if we purchased a sleep positioner.  "Yes, we did.." I replied.."..however, an alert was issued that the positioners were recently recalled so we returned it..." Suspicion immediately arose in my mind...didn't the doctor review current medical literature? I internally chided myself for being "neurotic"..."must've been a slight oversight.." I convinced myself...The doctor looked visibly annoyed and replied, "Anyway...can I see your feeding charts?" I felt like  a proud child sharing an art project with a parent..The doctor looked at the chart and stated dismissively, "She's eating too much..." as he quickly tossed the charts on my diaper bag...Too much?! 1.5 ounces every two hours?! What was I doing incorrectly? I have a typical type A personality, so I always am looking to do "the right thing"... The doctor then weighed Calleigh, announcing "she weighs 8.2 pounds"....Josh and I shared a pleased glance...Yay!! Our baby was gaining weight!! The doctor interjected.."she's gaining weight too fast"...Which in my mind translated to : "you have no idea what you are doing"...The pediatrician went on to describe a convoluted plan to "stretch" the time between Calleigh's feedings....if she displayed signs of hunger before the 3-4 hour mark (keep in mind, at this point, Calleigh was six days old) we were instructed to "distract" Calleigh by giving her a pacifier, rocking her, "shushing" her, etc...Being the eternal "good students" that Josh and I are, we vowed to each other that we would stick to the doctor's orders and plans.
The next few weeks, we started to notice that Calleigh was crying and screaming more than she previously had been.  At times, she was inconsolable.  I called the doctor and asked if perhaps the plan was too strict for a baby of Calleigh's age.  "No..." the doctor insisted..."Stick with the plan..SHE HAS TO LEARN" (Side Note:I now know that the only thing a baby will learn at that age if parents ignore her crying is that her needs will not be met...Each baby's needs are variable, and all of the literature cited by the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) affirms the notion that newborns should feed "on demand". Further, the AAP notes that infants should not be placed on feeding schedules, and that they should be fed as soon as they show signs of hunger, including, but not limited to: mouthing, rooting, and crying..all signs that the pediatrician advised that we mask until the 3-4 hour mark was reached).
The hours stretched into days, and Calleigh's crying and screaming continued.  What I envisioned and hoped to be a happy and joyful time became stressful and exhausting.  My parents kept suggesting (first gently, and then more loudly) that we feed Calleigh more.  I became defensive and accused them of overfeeding Calleigh.  My father announced that if I were continue to deprive Calleigh of her bottles ("But the doctor says...!" I'd protest), he was going to dissociate from us.  I began to realize that friends would exchange looks and recommend that I feed Calleigh. I saw looks of concern cloud their faces when I would remark that it was not yet four hours between feedings.  Finally, one fateful Saturday night, when Calleigh was a month old, Jennifer and Jason Saltzman visited for dinner.  Calleigh was screaming and crying.  Jennifer, a speech pathologist, stated: "She's hungry..she's rooting.."Josh and I replied that it had only been three hours since Calleigh's last feeding.  Jen quietly persisted.."She is too young to be on a strict schedule like that..I think you should feed her.." For those of you do not know Jen, you should be aware how powerful those words were coming from her mouth, as Jen is not the type to judge or pontificate.  I finally woke up...I was not listening to my parents' advice, I was not following my instincts...I was blindly following the words of the pediatrician. 


After researching the topic (of course, I needed concrete evidence), I learned that imposing such strict feeding regimens on newborns is not only foolish, but dangerous as well.  According to the AAP, following such advice can lead to "...dehydration and failure to thrive..." among other things...


I am grateful to report that once we began to feed Calleigh as soon as she displayed signs of hunger, she returned to her usual happy and easy-going personality.  I finally understood what it meant to feel as if a weight were lifted off of one's shoulders..I could breathe again...and, oh, we changed pediatricians...



The bottom line is: always trust your instincts.

Jen and Jason Saltzman

Calleigh as a newborn, finally eating on demand