How Far We've Come

Years ago, when I was constantly feeling sick and searching for a diagnosis, I began jotting down anecdotes with the plan that I would publish the information in a blog.  Years later, I (obviously) now started writing a blog, but about a much different topic than I had planned to address years ago.

April 13, 2009
...I am trying to embrace my painful, swollen midsection at this moment, but on some level, I am beginning to feel betrayed by my body. My feelings oscillate from acceptance to anger; peace to fear...I am trying to understand that the pain, indigestion, bloating, and inability to obtain a diagnosis is temporary. At times, I lose sight of that and begin to feel sorry for myself.  That sorrow, however, is fleeting.  I remind myself to keep my chin up, my shoulders back , chest out, and swollen belly gently nestled in a comfortable pair of lounge pants.
The answer will soon come....

UNDATED ENTRY, JUST PRIOR TO SECOND SURGERY
...Sometimes, when I look at Josh, I feel a deep, deep pang of sadness as I reflect on the possible outcomes..Will the surgery leave me infertile, thereby betraying the idea/dream/vision we had (but never discussed with a time line) of creating children together?  It starts as a glance, a thought filled with love and admiration...I think, "How I love his dark, shiny,  jet black hair...I wonder if our children will have dark hair like th.." and mid-thought, the fantasy is hijacked by the notion that perhaps we will not be able to create life between us....

And then there were three

Oh, how things have changed!